Saturday, June 23, 2012

Just a bit!

I have spent the last few weeks watching “Boys Over Flowers”… a South Korean Drama.
Tell me these men aren't beautiful and swoon worthy!!
 I started watching it merely because Lee Min Ho was the main actor (he was also City Hunter **swoon**, he's the one with the fur collar!), but the more I watched it the more totally engrossed I became. I have never been so caught up in a TV show in my life! And frankly, that is saying something. I have found myself this emotionally connected to many book characters… Harry Potter and the Hunger Games characters for example… but never a TV show. And I have been reminded that my ability to get totally lost in make believe is sometimes detrimental to my emotional and psychological well-being. (I know.... it sounds ridiculous and trust me my sister has had no problem laughing until she cried while I have melted down.) I can become anxious, which lasts even after the show has ended, I dream about the characters, and I can literally fall apart sobbing when something happens to them.

I have always had a propensity for getting too involved in books, cartoons (Lion King), movies, tv shows, and well, some commercials can bring me to tears in their 30 second time slot.  I have often felt silly for my emotions, mostly because other people find my reactions over-the-top or are made uncomfortable by them.  I have learned to accept them… and allow other people’s responses to not affect me so much. (I may write more about being "sensitive" and "emotional" on a later post... there is a lot to say there...)

I guess the point of this whole post is to say… You should watch “Boys over Flowers” (streaming free on Netflix!)….LOL! Although the roller coaster that episodes 17-25 put you through may be a bit much for most people… there are SO many twists and turns and **gasp** moments that it might be viewed as excessive. So while you enjoy your Television selections... I know I need a break from South Korean Dramas... Shew! Until then... another picture of Lee Min Ho? 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Questions, Pride, and Family....

The last few days have felt like a whirlwind… every time I sit down to blog.. I’m too tired to try. LOL! So I am playing catch up today. I’ll go chronologically.

About a week ago a relative and his girlfriend came over to visit. He’s one of those relatives that I don’t see very often but it doesn’t matter because he’s always friendly. Actually, I genuinely enjoy him even though he says things he shouldn’t… oh he says things.  Well, apparently his girlfriend is about to start college in Louisville. This seems to be a huge area of anxiety for her.

Now, I am not certain why I get asked these questions… but I guess it’s because I am the only person, that some people back home know, who knows “real” Black people. Isn’t that strange? I have become this door to the outside world… to understanding Black people. So… the girlfriend is going to have a Black roommate and this is causing some sort of anxiety. “Are they just like us?” She asked with hesitation. Now I have been asked similar things on many occasions… and in the past it has pissed me off.. Like how do you NOT know Black people are, well, people! **sigh** But I know she was as well intentioned as one can be when asking such a thing. So I explained to her that yes, in fact Black people are just like us in many ways. That there are sometimes cultural differences and because I know how White people tend to react to Black hair… I tried to explain the differences there… especially since she will be sharing living space with this woman. But yes, Black people are, in fact, people. She said she thinks the woman has money… and I said well, in that case some of the differences you may encounter can also be class based. Now, I realize I couldn’t break down intersectionality and the differences that are created by race, class, gender, sexuality.. etc, etc… in the 7 minutes I had her attention, but I tried to give her something.

In the past I have noticed how… once White people feel like they can ask me questions about race without me freaking out they ask the Burning questions they have always had.. but never had anyone to ask! Sometimes they’re hilarious… but only because they’re ridiculous and created by the media representations.. and if I don’t laugh.. I will cry about it. And some of the questions are just fucking sad. Now her question of choice was… “Do they really eat a lot of fried chicken and watermelon?” I busted out laughing… and I said… “Do you ever eat fried chicken? And honestly I have never seen a Black person eat Watermelon. I eat more watermelon than any Black person I ever known. But no, “they” don’t eat any more fried chicken or watermelon than White people.” I’m sure that’s not the best answer… but what do I say to someone who really DOESN”T know? Someone who has never had to know or consider anything beyond their White world? And she wanted to know.. wanted to better understand. That’s a start, right? And she’s… young. Just out of High School… it’s not an excuse but her reality. I was in the dark at 18….

The next day I traveled to Louisville to attend the Pride parade and Pride festival with two of my Bffs!!!  It was such a wonderful time! The parade was great.. I got my own set of rainbow beads!! And a small supply of condoms.. LOL! I got to meet up with some great people who I haven’t seen in a while. It was a great!!! It’s so nice to spend time with people that feed your spirit just by being there. And it’s always nice to be around your coven…. Even if its only you and one other person. The energy that is created with that person is healing…. Sustaining! I look forward to going back in July and spending more time with everyone up there. (and going back to Sitar…lol)

Saturday I came back from Louisville to go to my cousin’s wedding. She married a guy I grew up, and graduated with… cute to think he’s part of the family now. I spent a good portion of the festivities catching up with family. I miss my cousins but our lives are so far apart that it’s hard to keep up with them… or maybe I’m just afraid I’m lame (in their eyes) and they really wouldn’t want to hang out with me outside of family functions. **sigh** When did the little boys I loved so fiercely become the grown men I see today? One of them ships out for Afghanistan in August…. His second tour.  While his mother is about to fight her own battle… her third. I would like to send him stuff this time around… snacks and stuff to comfort him. I hope I can stick to it… I can be the WORST about shipping things. 

There was lots of laughter. And we took some great pictures of all the cousins in attendance. There are so many more of us… but they still turned out really well.

I think it’s time to rekindle some relationships within the family…. There are people I miss and, yet, I let my pride or something equally as stupid get in the way of reaching out.  

Monday, June 11, 2012

An exhausting monday...

It’s been an up-and-down kind of day.

Had lunch with an old friend today. We grew up together and sort of drifted apart in the last four years because our political and religious ideologies are so different. It was so nice to spend time with her and realize that even though that is still true… it still feels so natural to be around her. I’m so glad she reached out to me to set up the meeting. It was lovely to finally meet her son. (He’s adorable!!) We agreed there are some things we have to agree to disagree on but that shouldn’t stop us from talking. I’m glad. She was always such a great friend and I would like to maintain contact with her. I think this was a huge step in that direction! We’re planning on meeting up again before I leave.

I came home from lunch and helped my dad run some errands and then was trapped in the house with three teenagers and my two little brothers. This will make a person crazy! I started dinner at 5… cooked everybody their fish (cause clearly with 6 of us it took three different types of preparation… AH!).  I’m sitting at the table with my brothers while they finish up dinner because I felt totally drained… and Ethan launches a hush puppy at my face and hits me in the eye! (After I told them to quit playing around and eat like 5 times!) Needless to say I didn’t handle that all too well…. Without a thought I launched one at his head. Sadly, he ducked. And it missed. LOL! The parents vacated the downstairs as soon as the post-dinner cigarette was smoked. Grrrr!!! Thankfully, Hannah cleaned the kitchen while I got the boys to settle down on the couch for a little while.

I didn’t do anything, for real, to feel this exhausted.

Today was my Nanny’s birthday. We’re trying to plan a trip down to see her tombstone. (I would like to see the stone in person… to know that I did a good job in picking it out.) Hannah wants to take her flowers. She’s been upset all day. I kind of fail her when it comes to comforting her. I can comfort anyone in the world but my own sister. I think it has to do with the fact that most of the time what she is upset about I am, too. And I don’t know how to navigate my feelings and hers. And as bad as it makes me sound sometimes I question her sincerity. But who am I?

Found out more about my aunt… she will lose her other breast (she lost the first one to cancer when she was in college thirty years ago). It’s apparently at an advanced stage. They (those faceless, nameless, doctors in lab coats) say that there is a 70% chance that will take care of all it. Let’s hope and pray. My dad finally talked to her the other day and he said she sounded really good, happy. I made her a Tree of Life pendant the other night with pink stones and a “Hope” ribbon hanging from the branch. I look forward to giving it to her. I hope she likes it. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Oh my siblings make me giggle...

This has been an interesting day concerning my siblings…. LOL!

Hannah had to have a physical for Dance today… and I stayed at the house with Aaron while everyone else went to the Doctor’s office. Upon their return… I discover that my 15-year-old sister stuck her finger in the Doctor’s fish tank and was bitten… BY A PIRANHA!! **facepalm** It drew blood!!! SMH! I just don’t know about her sometimes.

Aaron lost his fourth tooth today!! He was so excited to go to bed and have the tooth fairy come! Unfortunately… Ethan is terrified of the tooth fairy and didn’t want to go to sleep!! I must admit… I never considered the idea that the tooth fairy could be a scary thing. But I guess some random winged creature coming into your room at night and collecting your lost teeth, from under your pillow, could come across as scary! It was so cute hearing Aaron trying to console him… But Hannah had to go snuggle with him to calm him down.

Also.. I have learned a few things in my short time back in GC… 1. Littering makes me angry, instantly! There is just NO reason for it! And there is no reason to teach children to do these things or to allow children to do them! I had forgotten that I used to fight with my father about this growing up. 2. I think gender-policing children is abusive. And I can’t believe I ever participated in gender policing (of which I am certain I still do to some degree… I am not a saint)… and I can’t believe it still exists in such huge and harmful ways. (A shout out to Sarah for raising three boys without Gendered policing! I hope I’m like her if I ever have children… although… her patience exceeds anyone’s I know. )

Movie notes of the night…: Lockout was shamefully predictable but the main character was.. mildly attractive with an enjoyable wit (if you like it crude). I wouldn’t watch it again… but it wasn’t a complete waste of 88 minutes. 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Eye of the storm...?

So I flew into KY on Saturday afternoon! My dad and siblings were impatiently waiting for me at the airport!! There were big hugs and lots of tears!!! It was lovely!
My brothers seem to want me to do everything in one day… like I’m only going to be here for a weekend! I have watched them ride their bikes, watched them “Just Dance,” but my favorite, we went to the play ground last night! I hadn’t been on a swing in so long! It was fun!

Today, they couldn’t wait any longer for face paint! Aaron wanted a sunset on his chest and Ethan became the Red Power ranger!! I still need to work on the power ranger paint… it was a tad bit questionable… but he loved it! Then some neighborhood kids wanted face paint… I agreed.

We watched a Little Foot movie tonight and an episode of the Old School power rangers that I grew up loving! Wow!!! That show was problematic!!!!! Damn. But I loved it… I hated the pink ranger, though. It’s a shame I still harbor ill feelings toward Amy Jo Johnson (and no… I didn’t have to look-up her name.. I remember it.. yikes!). She can’t help it the writers wrote her as a love interest of Jason David Frank… and she really can’t help that I was an insecure fat girl who was in love with a fictional character!! I guess the insecure part is about all that has changed in my life! (have you read Fifty Shades, yet?... haha like that is the only fictional character I am currently in love with..LMAO! )

On a random note…My dad told my grandmother today that I have a tattoo….. not really sure how this is going to go over. Especially when she sees it’s a rainbow colored goddess! But she is BEAUTIFUL! Getting her filled before I came home was such a great thing. The colors are so bright! I will be wearing lots of sunscreen to keep her beautiful. (and well.. to lower my chances of cancer… seriously… I’m not really emotionally prepared to handle the new round of cancer in the family…. Which sounds so selfish but I love her more than I think I ever admit…. And I am heartbroken that she has to fight this, again. But… a few more days… and I plan on going to see her… and talk about our love of Leonard!! My time and my love….. better than nothing… I hope)
The Goddess of Fertility and Creativity 

Things are going well at the house… except I exist on a totally different schedule than they do. And with reason… but damn! Dinner at 4:30?! And a house without asparagus or brussel sprouts!! I need something green!! Like yesterday!

After everyone went to bed tonight… I stayed up and watched Battleship online! And I expected it to be a good movie… but WHOA! Amazing! The soundtrack and the action… and the actors… it felt like a Michael Bay movie (and you know I looooove me some Michael Bay! … and not just because he’s Leonard Nimoy’s Brother-in-law… that’s just an added bonus)! Such a good movie! Which means… those handful of you reading this… you probably don’t want to watch it. Womp!