An exhausting monday...

It’s been an up-and-down kind of day.

Had lunch with an old friend today. We grew up together and sort of drifted apart in the last four years because our political and religious ideologies are so different. It was so nice to spend time with her and realize that even though that is still true… it still feels so natural to be around her. I’m so glad she reached out to me to set up the meeting. It was lovely to finally meet her son. (He’s adorable!!) We agreed there are some things we have to agree to disagree on but that shouldn’t stop us from talking. I’m glad. She was always such a great friend and I would like to maintain contact with her. I think this was a huge step in that direction! We’re planning on meeting up again before I leave.

I came home from lunch and helped my dad run some errands and then was trapped in the house with three teenagers and my two little brothers. This will make a person crazy! I started dinner at 5… cooked everybody their fish (cause clearly with 6 of us it took three different types of preparation… AH!).  I’m sitting at the table with my brothers while they finish up dinner because I felt totally drained… and Ethan launches a hush puppy at my face and hits me in the eye! (After I told them to quit playing around and eat like 5 times!) Needless to say I didn’t handle that all too well…. Without a thought I launched one at his head. Sadly, he ducked. And it missed. LOL! The parents vacated the downstairs as soon as the post-dinner cigarette was smoked. Grrrr!!! Thankfully, Hannah cleaned the kitchen while I got the boys to settle down on the couch for a little while.

I didn’t do anything, for real, to feel this exhausted.

Today was my Nanny’s birthday. We’re trying to plan a trip down to see her tombstone. (I would like to see the stone in person… to know that I did a good job in picking it out.) Hannah wants to take her flowers. She’s been upset all day. I kind of fail her when it comes to comforting her. I can comfort anyone in the world but my own sister. I think it has to do with the fact that most of the time what she is upset about I am, too. And I don’t know how to navigate my feelings and hers. And as bad as it makes me sound sometimes I question her sincerity. But who am I?

Found out more about my aunt… she will lose her other breast (she lost the first one to cancer when she was in college thirty years ago). It’s apparently at an advanced stage. They (those faceless, nameless, doctors in lab coats) say that there is a 70% chance that will take care of all it. Let’s hope and pray. My dad finally talked to her the other day and he said she sounded really good, happy. I made her a Tree of Life pendant the other night with pink stones and a “Hope” ribbon hanging from the branch. I look forward to giving it to her. I hope she likes it. 

Oh my siblings make me giggle...

This has been an interesting day concerning my siblings…. LOL!

Hannah had to have a physical for Dance today… and I stayed at the house with Aaron while everyone else went to the Doctor’s office. Upon their return… I discover that my 15-year-old sister stuck her finger in the Doctor’s fish tank and was bitten… BY A PIRANHA!! **facepalm** It drew blood!!! SMH! I just don’t know about her sometimes.

Aaron lost his fourth tooth today!! He was so excited to go to bed and have the tooth fairy come! Unfortunately… Ethan is terrified of the tooth fairy and didn’t want to go to sleep!! I must admit… I never considered the idea that the tooth fairy could be a scary thing. But I guess some random winged creature coming into your room at night and collecting your lost teeth, from under your pillow, could come across as scary! It was so cute hearing Aaron trying to console him… But Hannah had to go snuggle with him to calm him down.

Also.. I have learned a few things in my short time back in GC… 1. Littering makes me angry, instantly! There is just NO reason for it! And there is no reason to teach children to do these things or to allow children to do them! I had forgotten that I used to fight with my father about this growing up. 2. I think gender-policing children is abusive. And I can’t believe I ever participated in gender policing (of which I am certain I still do to some degree… I am not a saint)… and I can’t believe it still exists in such huge and harmful ways. (A shout out to Sarah for raising three boys without Gendered policing! I hope I’m like her if I ever have children… although… her patience exceeds anyone’s I know. )

Movie notes of the night…: Lockout was shamefully predictable but the main character was.. mildly attractive with an enjoyable wit (if you like it crude). I wouldn’t watch it again… but it wasn’t a complete waste of 88 minutes. 

Eye of the storm...?

So I flew into KY on Saturday afternoon! My dad and siblings were impatiently waiting for me at the airport!! There were big hugs and lots of tears!!! It was lovely!

My brothers seem to want me to do everything in one day… like I’m only going to be here for a weekend! I have watched them ride their bikes, watched them “Just Dance,” but my favorite, we went to the play ground last night! I hadn’t been on a swing in so long! It was fun!

Today, they couldn’t wait any longer for face paint! Aaron wanted a sunset on his chest and Ethan became the Red Power ranger!! I still need to work on the power ranger paint… it was a tad bit questionable… but he loved it! Then some neighborhood kids wanted face paint… I agreed.

We watched a Little Foot movie tonight and an episode of the Old School power rangers that I grew up loving! Wow!!! That show was problematic!!!!! Damn. But I loved it… I hated the pink ranger, though. It’s a shame I still harbor ill feelings toward Amy Jo Johnson (and no… I didn’t have to look-up her name.. I remember it.. yikes!). She can’t help it the writers wrote her as a love interest of Jason David Frank… and she really can’t help that I was an insecure fat girl who was in love with a fictional character!! I guess the insecure part is about all that has changed in my life! (have you read Fifty Shades, yet?... haha like that is the only fictional character I am currently in love with..LMAO! )

On a random note…My dad told my grandmother today that I have a tattoo….. not really sure how this is going to go over. Especially when she sees it’s a rainbow colored goddess! But she is BEAUTIFUL! Getting her filled before I came home was such a great thing. The colors are so bright! I will be wearing lots of sunscreen to keep her beautiful. (and well.. to lower my chances of cancer… seriously… I’m not really emotionally prepared to handle the new round of cancer in the family…. Which sounds so selfish but I love her more than I think I ever admit…. And I am heartbroken that she has to fight this, again. But… a few more days… and I plan on going to see her… and talk about our love of Leonard!! My time and my love….. better than nothing… I hope)

The Goddess of Fertility and Creativity 

Things are going well at the house… except I exist on a totally different schedule than they do. And with reason… but damn! Dinner at 4:30?! And a house without asparagus or brussel sprouts!! I need something green!! Like yesterday!

After everyone went to bed tonight… I stayed up and watched Battleship online! And I expected it to be a good movie… but WHOA! Amazing! The soundtrack and the action… and the actors… it felt like a Michael Bay movie (and you know I looooove me some Michael Bay! … and not just because he’s Leonard Nimoy’s Brother-in-law… that’s just an added bonus)! Such a good movie! Which means… those handful of you reading this… you probably don’t want to watch it. Womp! 

C-word...

Received some troubling news today concerning a loved one......

Jewelry, hugs, and laughter!

Sarah and I stayed up until 4:30am making JEWELRY! Which means I am now in possession of three new pairs of feathered earrings and one pair of stone earrings with a matching bracelet!! WOO!! I expect we’ll spend some more time on crafts… I mean you really can’t have too many feathered earrings! 

We watched movies as we sat in the living room and created. It seems we can agree on a few English-speaking movies, Dirty Dancing and Brothers, at least. Brothers was frightening and sad… I was oddly unhappy with the ending. Isaiah stayed up with us for a while and made earrings. He’s a very talented young man… in so many ways. I’m so glad I get to spend time with him.

Sarah, Mikah, and I spent the afternoon clearance shopping for jewelry/craft stuff! OMG! Mikah is such a doll. He likes to randomly hug me and tell me he loves me. SO CUTE! The other day he said, “I love you to the sky!” Aww…. Which reminds me… the chick Mikah immediately presented me with on Tuesday has been in the making for a while. Sarah has been so excited about hanging it up in the house… oops! Hehe!

Then we went to dinner at a Hibachi grill. Mikah could obviously work there... he knows all the jokes and exactly what is going to happen next! It was delicious and fantastic! On the car ride home we rolled the windows down and sang at the top of our lungs. I forget how soothing and comforting riding in the car at night can be…. I guess it’s from growing up riding in the Big Truck with my dad.

We came home to rowdy teenage boys… who make me laugh so hard!!! It’s a shame I find their crude humor so hilarious most of the time. But now the house is quiet… like I can hear the crickets outside quiet… so weird!!!

So far the summer mix-tape includes these songs:

Love is a battlefield by Pat Benatar

Little Red Corvette by Prince

Rumor Has It by Adele

Happy Ending by Mika

Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright performed by Isaiah and Jose

Summer Vacation 2012

At the request of a few lovely women I am writing (what I want to call) “field notes” about my experiences as I travel over the summer. Considering the fact I tend to drop off the planet over break it’s probably a good way to keep people informed. And lets face it… my life is full of fascinating stuff. LOL

Let’s hope my summer isn’t as eventful as my plane ride to Memphis this morning. I chose not to go to bed last night because, well... I may have slept until 3PM yesterday and I had a group of fabulous women over for dinner and conversation. So I finished packing when they left and read some more of 50 Shades Freed. (OMGCHRISTIANGREY!!)

Now, while I have been on many planes, including a 14-hour flight to Beijing, I have never felt so awful. I curled up in my seat at about 6AM after having a brief conversation with my seat partner and tried to sleep. I felt a little anxious but assumed it was because I was headed to see one of my Best friends. I finally fell asleep… only to wake up as I fainted. (WTF, I know…) Have you ever fainted? The nausea overwhelms you, as your whole body breaks out in a cold sweat and if you do black out, at least for me, when you wake up you don’t know where you are. It is terrifying. It WAS terrifying.

I was trying to maintain consciousness! Talking to myself to keep myself calm and pulling my hair to cause myself pain in hopes that would help me shake it. I know I looked crazy to anyone watching… but no one seemed too concerned. I fought the rest of the flight, of which I have no idea how long it was, trying to remain conscious. In and out. In and out. I was miserable. And… alone. (When I’m sick I tend to become this completely irrational person who assumes they’re going to die in the next 5 minutes utterly alone! I think I get it from my father…lol) The flight attendant realized something was off but didn’t press the issue. Frankly, I was terrified if they saw how bad I felt they would make an emergency landing… and I would be horrified! Horrified I SAY! So I wrestled my demons and finally made it off the plane.

The second flight was… better. Although, not normal by any stretch. It was just a really weird and strange day. Of which I hope I never have to re-live!! (And No, Nicole M. I haven’t gone to the doctor. Although I might consider asking a professional some questions.)

After some Panera (which seems to be mine and Sarah’s second favorite place to eat next to India Palace) and a nap I feel somewhat better. We picked up Mikah from preschool and immediately he handed me some of his artwork. “Matashia, I made this for you. It’s a fake ice cream and a chick!” (aww… Hello, Ovaries… haven’t heard you scream for validation in a few days...ugh)

We came home and Isaiah, her oldest son, cooked us this fabulous dinner with bok choy, ramen, chicken, carrots… and some other stuff. It was fantastic, as I was feeling particularly ravenous. We answered a few of those silly “would you rather …. Or….” questions.  I love how we tried and tried to rationalize our answers to these completely irrational questions. For example (this one had us discussing for a while): would you rather have to pee out your nose or smell through your genitalia? LMAO! Yes, we’re both getting our PhDs.

And we have capped off our night by starting a new South Korean TV show or two.. LOL! (So far they are not City Hunter and I’m just not sure they’re going to live up to my expectations… but… I’ll try…. And frankly with all Sarah and I have in common… our tastes in movies/TV RARELY overlap…LOL! So South Korean TV it is!!)

Here’s to a fantastic summer with no more fainting!!! (Unless of course my very own Christian Grey walks into my life… **swoon**) 

The importance of Naming...

I often write/perform spoken word/poetry in order to let off some steam. I find that it is one of my more effective tools through which to express my anger and frustration. The poem I am including in this post came after a conversation in an undregrad class I TAed. As we discussed the founding fathers, particularly Jefferson, no one was willing, or able, to name the slave he had children with. This made me furious! When so few people of color, so few slaves, have been humanized and given a name we cannot continue to forget or overlook the few who have been.

For All the Black Women (and men) who have remained Nameless in our history books, our mythologies, and lives, it is time. Time to use their names. 

Have you considered what compromise means in American history

An accommodation in which both sides make concessions

And still, people remain possessions

The Declaration of Independence

Where only land owning White men were in attendance

Was signed to free a people from unjust rule

Now seriously, who's the fool?

You want to uphold what these men stood for

And completely ignore how they lived their lives

The Declaration, A compromise

Put in place, managing to dehumanize

As I sit in this room and witness your violence

Are you really going to be silent?

Is slave all you can say?

Can we say her name??

Sally Hemings

The Black woman, owned by Jefferson

I don’t care what stories have been spun

To protect the author of Independence

Because I will call out his ascendance

Does it, as a white person, make your skin crawl

To name the Black woman

The founding father raped at 14

Say her name

Sally Hemings

In a history where so many

Were left nameless

Faceless

Animals in cages

I demand that you say her NAME!

How can we talk of his actions with such favor

And I don’t even think you’re going to waiver

Maybe if you call out his bullshit

You’ll feel the guilt, just a little bit

Her Name was Sally Hemings

She was the half sister of Martha, his wife

Think about it, how’d she come to life?

RAPE

Yes, it was not a scene of wine and grapes

When her own father gave her, To his real daughter 

This earth doesn’t contain enough holy water

To absolve this nation

From the sins of it’s creation

But you will say her Name

And not continue with the inhumane

Because faceless, and nameless

Are less likely to depress

And give you no room to assess

Or question the oppression

Our country has woven so deep

Sustained and kept so cheap

Because without a face, a name

You have no claim

To the freedom and rights

Of the men who were rich, protestant, land owning Whites

But you will say her name

Sally Hemings